First love
by fiddler jones
Summary: Blah


Ok... few things to say before starting with the novel:

1- this is a kind of sequel of "Quothed Raven".... and that story was inspired by some verses of of Red Hot Chili Peppers' song "Under the bridge"... and they were:

**_it's hard to believe that there's nobody out there_**

**_it's hard to believe that i'm all alone_**

2- i have to thanks nathalsa for correcting my grammar mistakes... i asked her to not ruin your surprise... : P... hope you enjoy the chap!

Slowly, our friday night fire became a habit; a good habit. We used to sit there around the warm, dancing fire and we told stories about our past or stories we heard somewhere. Raven was usually the quietest, even if sometimes she also told us things: some old stories from her planet Azerath: and it was clear that it was a great pain for her, telling them, for she was digging and opening the scars in her soul. Now it was Starfire's turn. She had remained silent several minutes, looking in her mind for a good story to tell. The others were quite bored, and Cyborg was slowly falling asleep, while Robin was too busy looking at her to notice the silence which had fallen between us. She was still thinking when Cyborg awoke from his slumber and asked:

"Star, who was your first crush?" Everyone remained silent. Robin listened more carefully and Cyborg seemed amused by his question. Starfire thought a bit about the question and in the end decided to answer:

"It was long time ago, while I still was on my home planet. He was one the boy from my "school", even if we weren't in the same "class" you know, our scholastic system was similar to yours..."

Starfire paused, recalling her remembrances, then continued her story:

"I went after him for the whole school year: he was a year older than me, so we didn't have many occasions to meet... I didn't even know some of his friends- he was kind of unreachable." Starfire smiled. "It was mostly platonic, you could say, than a real one. I kissed him so many times in my dreams... I think that I saw him more in my dreams than in reality: he kissed me passionately every night..."

Robin frowned and a shadow passed on his face: it was so obvious that he was jealous. No one except myself seemed to notice it and Star went on with her story.

"So a year passed, and I was still in love with him... and I was still invisible for him... I was in despair and happy at the same time: what would have happened if he'd asked me on a date? I wasn't sure that my answer would have been yes; I barely knew him, after all. Then one day, something changed: I was chatting with one of my friends and I wasn't looking my steps, so I crashed with someone, and our books fell on the ground. I quickly kneeled and tried to scoop them up, blushing and apologizing. When I lifted my eyes I saw that it was him! I was so embarrassed! I thought that my face was going to explode, I was blushing so much, and all I wanted was to disappear in the warm embrace of my heart.

"He looked at me, smiled and asked, "Are you all right?"

"My emotions were too chaotic to answer a question, so I simply grumbled a yes and stood up, ready to go away and never come back. We got up at the same time and he smiled again.

"What's your name? I've never seen you around here... my name is Protuk, nice to meet you."

"In that moment, my face was probably purple. I was so embarrassed, but it might be my last chance to make him notice me, so I took a long breath and replied shyly,

"My name... is Starfire... nice.. to meet.. you too..."

"He smiled again and in that moment the bell ringed. I hated it. He looked behind him, trying to see if his class' door was closed, and then said, "Hope we meet again" and ran away.

"I was so surprised that I nearly forgot to enter my class. Fortunately, my friend took me by the arm and dragged me into class just in time... But I was still in the hall with him, playing our first real meeting in my mind over and over. At the end of the class (it was math, I remember it because outside the math's room there was an huge old tree and birds always sang there), I found him waiting outside my class. First I thought that he was there for some other reason, but then he looked me and waved at me. I froze, and he got near me... I don't need to say here all the things he said to me, it's enough for you to know that he asked me to go out with him that Saturday. I thought about it for a second, and I was in shock when I heard my voice saying, "Yes". We decided where to meet and...".

Starfire paused again and stared in the void for a second, watching in front of her the dance of the ghosts we call "remembrances". She remained silent for so long that in the end I asked her to continue. She shook her head like if she was trying to drive away her thoughts and continued, her look lost in the middle of the fire:

"Days passed and Saturday arrived. I dressed, paying a little more attention to how I looked, and left to meet Protuk. He had prepared everything, and took me to a restaurant, then a park, and then we admired the stars for one, two hours. There was also a fire, like now... we were lying on a cover on the grass.. it was so perfect... time passed, we sat up on the cover, always looking at the stars and listening the silence of the night, my head leaned on his shoulder. He slowly started to caress my hair and his hand slowly ended up on my chin. He turned my head gently and tried to kiss me."

Again silence fell. Starfire's eyes were tearing and she was obviously close to crying. The fire reflected in her eyes, making them burn of an unknown feeling. Cyborg ended the phrase for Starfire:

"And you kissed him..."

Starfire seemed to wake up from a dream.

"No, I haven't kissed him. I loved him so much that I didn't kiss him."

Everyone stared at her. Even Raven lifted her head and looked her, but she was nodding slightly.

"What? You loved him... and you haven't kissed him?"

"Yes. I know it may seems strange now, but I can assure you that I don't regret anything. I'm sure that I did the right thing. I loved him, but I felt that I was going to ruin everything if I kissed him. So I didn't. What if I had kissed him? We would have seen us for a couple of month again, maybe, then we'd have ended up breaking up and ruining everything. In this way I only have the regret of a kiss never given and not the pain of a lost love."

Everyone was staring at Starfire now; Raven was smiling understandingly. And I felt a pain in my heart, because Raven was smiling. She was agreeing with Starfire: it was better a kiss never given than a given one. I loved her and now I knew that it was impossible for me to let her know. Again, I was all alone in the world.


End file.
